don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize