Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
