He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
