My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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