You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
