fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We're too hungover to prance.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
