We're facebook friends in real life
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
