I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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