So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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