Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
