so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
