I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize