and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
