I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
