god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
