people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i believe in u and ur pee
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
