just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
