things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
