My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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