:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
where does the pee come out of this thing
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
