So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
