Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize