You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
