Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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