Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
