I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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