oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
