I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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