Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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