I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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