Your tits are I can't wait for
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Still dying that you shit outside
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize