it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
