I'm really into asian looking animals
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
