Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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