My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize