It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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