Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
