i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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