Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
