No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I want to fling myself into the sun
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
