i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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