Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he was CRYING into my vagina
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
