i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Text me some of your sweat
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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