I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
