I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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