shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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