Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
