I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
