Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize