did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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