I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sorry about my life...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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