he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize