Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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