She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
