Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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