Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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