i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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