I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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