is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
