Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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