it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
