Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
