No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
