I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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