you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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