I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
ttyl tear gas
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
