return my video game
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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