Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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