6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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