I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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