Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
