Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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