He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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