Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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