this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
