dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
